


its ok dude youre allowed to cry

by spiineater



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Cuddling, M/M, Matespritship, Panic Attacks, helping someone through a panic attack, materails, moiraillegence, pan-quadrant relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-23
Updated: 2018-10-23
Packaged: 2019-08-06 04:47:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16381703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spiineater/pseuds/spiineater
Summary: Karkat has a panic attack for the first time. Dave helps him through it.





	its ok dude youre allowed to cry

**Author's Note:**

> i am. not good at writing.

You feel like dying. Your lungs aren't working, you're coughing and hacking. The tears won't stop, your vision is clouded by bight red. Everything is red. **Your friends wouldn't be dead if you hadn't been a mutant**. Nepeta is gone. Sollux is gone. Eridan is gone. Feferi is gone. You barely knew Equius or Aradia, but **it's your fault they're dead**. It's **your fault**   Gamzee went on a murder spree. You're a **terrible moirail**. **You don't deserve to fill quadrants**. The closest thing you'll have to love is romcoms. You've given up on breathing, and you don't know how you got onto the floor but you're glad you aren't standing. You're shaking. **You're a terrible leader**. You want to die.

 

But then you feel something soft wrap around you. You hear a soft, deep voice say, "Hey man, are you alright?"  
"Oh yes I'm absolutely fine. Just sitting here bawling my eyes out for fun. Having a jolly good fucking time!" You snark back at him, but it's hard to talk when you're choking on your own tears'  
"Very funny bro. But you're not alright," Dave"s voice is softer than it usually is. Quieter. Like he's trying to calm you dow-

 

_Oh_

"Listen Strider, I know you humans give out pale gestures left and right, but trolls take that shit  _seriously_. I don't want your pale advances, you're not my-" 

You're cut off by a fit of coughing, it sounds gross, hiccuping your lungs up. Its pathetic, really. The human kind of pathetic, not the troll kind.

Dave moves in front of you, he's taken off his cape so it's completely around your shoulders. He puts his hand on your shoulder. 

"You're having a panic attack. I get them too."

I'm sorry, what? You can't imagine Dave feeling this way, helpless and horrible, and choking on his feelings. The image was pathetic, really. The human kind of pathetic, not the troll kind.

You realize Dave is still talking.

 

"You can't breathe, right? You can't stop crying and your brain is full of nothing but negativity, right?" You say nothing. He's right.

"Karkat, listen to me," He puts his hand under your chin and moves your head so you're looking at him, "You're amazing. I don't know what you're thinking, but the negativity isn't true. You're strong, and brave, and smart, and there's nothing you could've done to somehow make our current situation better without dooming us. You did everything right, we're supposed to be here, and without you we'd _all_ be dead."

 

His hand is still under your chin, and you're very aware of the fact that you are  _wrapped in his cape._ What was that human word for liking the same gender? Gay, that's it.  _You feel incredibly fucking gay in this moment._

 

"But your feelings are valid."

 

_He's still talking?_

 

"It's ok to doubt yourself. It's ok to feel bad. It's ok to have anxiety. _It's ok dude you're allowed to cry_."

 

And so you do. You sit there, wrapped in his cape, leaning into his chest, crying into his shirt. You cry until you feel better. And he doesn't leave you. He doesn't think you're weak, or bad, or that you shouldn't be feeling bad. He wraps his arms around you and you feel his shades hit your horns and hear them hit the ground. You hear Dave's quiet "Shit, dammit!" as he tries to reach his glasses without moving you. You can't help but smile against his chest, a laugh forcing its way out of your mouth.

 

"I see you're feeling better," he says and you look up at him, his shades are lopsided due to his rush to put them on, he's got a stupid shit-eating grin on and his abnormally pale skin has a pink tint to it that isn't usually present. You're sure your hair is messed up, and you're probably all red from crying and the heat in your face alerts you to the fact that you're blushing as well. 

 

And your attention goes back to Dave. He doesn't realize his glasses are lopsided so you reach up to fix them but he moves his head and somehow you end up knocking them off  _again_ and you both look at each other and burst out laughing and _it's been a long time since you laughed this hard._

 

And he looks so pathetic, really. The troll kind, not the human kind

 


End file.
